Kodiak Jack's

Yesterday Yoda and I went out to dinner at Kodiak Jack's, the steak and seafood place that is relatively new in Oshkosh and that has people raving. And by "people" I mean middle aged customers and coworkers that I encounter. So we just happened to be at Walmart at 6:30 at night on a Thursday buying 24" bypass loppers and a machete, and Kodiak's just happened to be right next door, and we just happened to end up there.

So we register at the hostess station (as there's almost always a wait at this particular restaurant, from all accounts) and my favorite thing happens.
Hostess: Your first name?
Me: Anoush. (I am about to spell it...)
Hostess: No, your FIRST name.
Me: Yes, that is my first name. A...N...
I really am not trying to trick you into accepting some non-first name. I promise.

So we wander around, and eventually score ourselves a rustic wooden bench, and entertain ourselves by making fun of this big group of 40-50 year olds who insist on standing in the middle of the aisle, blocking the other bench, the bubbler, the bathroom entrance, and the walkway. They are totally oblivious. This old lady escorting an even older lady out of the bathroom (older lady had one of those elaborate four-legged canes, and was being held up by the other lady) repeatedly says "Excuse me! EXCUSE ME!" to get them to move aside, and they just ignore her, so they finally just jostle the group with the cane and start screaming "EXCUSE ME!" and then the old lady says "Jesus Christ!" as they force their way past. I mean, this group will not move for anyone, and many people tried. So we just started talking about them openly, secure in the knowledge that they would not notice. (As an aside, the same old ladies were leaving after the big group was seated but before we were seated, and they were telling their friends the story, and it was SO funny. "And I told them to 'get the hell out of the way, moron!'"

So we're finally seated, and we order the fried cheese basket as an appetizer, I get coffee and medium rare prime rib with a baked potato, and Yoda gets a root beer, an elk burger, and adds on the soup and salad bar (my meal came with it). We get our soups (chicken vegetable) and salads, and a nice loaf of fresh bread.

First, the soup is not that great--I didn't eat mine. It tasted like canned veggies. And it was really bland. But the salad bar is great--really elaborate and fresh. The bread is good, but the knives they have there are all the same (all steak knives that are about an inch wide, with a round tip, and only serrated for the first few inches of blade), and it was a bit hard to slice with these big rounded knives.

Our appetizer basket is also really good for fried cheese--the cheese curds are still springy and taste really fresh, and the jalapeno poppers are particularly cheddary. And it looks like they batter everything themselves.

We get our meal, and my prime rib was good, though not quite as bloody as I was expecting, and it was a bit hard to dissect the fat from the meat with my round knife. Yoda's elk burger was also good.

We decide to order the Bananas Foster ice cream pie, which was delicious. Not too hard, very banana-y, just a perfect dessert. And I took home half of my steak, and most of my potato, and a box of cheese and bread products. So here's how it all breaks down:

Service: Good but dorky (our waiter wasn't really waiter-y, but he got the job done with a smile). 8/10
Ambiance: If you enjoy dead animals posed in unnatural tableaus, and lots of light polyurithaned "hunting lodge" wood, and the image above, you might just like it. 6/10. (10/10 if you're a redneck.)
Food: Better food can be had for similar or lesser amounts of $, but it certainly wasn't bad--it just wasn't spectacular. 7.5/10. (Salad Bar: 11/10--they had those round red cinnamon apples!)
Overall Notes: Be prepared to wait. Be prepared for high prices. Be prepared for drunk, old rednecks. As we left we were killed in a bar fight.
Price for Two: about $55

(I know this is really unrelated to the food, but check out the picture above. Notice the bear's jaw. Why does it mingle with Jack's shoulder? I just don't get it. Also, feel free to go to http://www.kodiakjacks.net/ and learn more about this amazing character.)

HOTPOT!

Tonight I made an Americanized version of Hot Pot (picture a cast iron pot with a wooden lid, sitting on a rack with a flaming can of sterno underneath to keep everything simmering). I used instant wonton soup stock mix for the broth, and marinated shrimp, tuna steak, and beef steak (the steaks were thinly sliced) in a sort of teriyaki glaze. I also sliced up raw broccoli, oyster mushrooms, white mushrooms, green bell pepper, baby onions, baby corn, and Chinese eggplant. I made three dipping sauces: a sweet and sour sauce, a teriyaki sauce, and a curry-yoghurt sauce. So picture a pot of simmering stock, and you plop in a variety of ingredients, let them simmer, fish them out with chopsticks, plop in more delectable bites, and eat the cooked bites with the dipping sauces. The stock flavors the bite size chunks, and when you're done the stock is flavored with all the other ingredients. At the end, you ladle out some stock for a soup course (rice optional). We skipped the rice in the soup because for dessert we had a sweet rice coconut roll (glutinous rice cooked with coconut milk, wrapped in banana leaves). That rounded it out nicely. Now what do I do with the big pot of delicious seafood/chicken/beef/vegetable stock in my fridge?

Choereg

I just wanted to share a wonderful thing--choereg, a sweetish Armenian bread that is flavored with mahleb (sour cherry pits). I've been jonesing for it lately (I must convince my mom to make me some or share her mahleb with me). The mahleb is available online or in Milwaukee if you live in Wisconsin (ask my mom if you want specifics). Or, you can substitute a blend of juniper berries and anise.

Here's an exerpt from Peter Balakian's book Black Dog of Fate (which features choereg)!
http://www.nytimes.com/books/first/b/balakian-dog.html

Here's a recipe!
http://bread.allrecipes.com/az/84405.asp

If you make some, send it to me. I'm serious. It's awesome.

The Inn at Cedar Crossing

We're currently on our Honeymoon, and we're staying in Sturgeon Bay (Door County) at the Inn at Cedar Crossing. Let me tell you, it is awesome--our room is beautiful, comfortable, and functional, and the food is GREAT. Last night we went to dinner at the restaurant downstairs, and had a great meal (note: everything served here, and I mean everything, is homemade). We had wine (a glass of Goats do Roam Red for me, and a glass of Syrah for Yoda), and I had grilled elk loin with an olive walnut remoulade and horseradish mashed potatoes, and Yoda had grilled marlin with some sort of mushroom and asparagus risotto. It was quite good: 9.5/10.

This morning we had complimentary breakfast in the private breakfast room. It was nuts, just nuts. To start: a wide assortment of coffee, teas, and juices. Next, a selection of fresh cinnamon buns, lemon poppyseed muffins, and mocha chocolate chip scones. These were all huge and fresh baked from scratch. I had a scone (which was wonderful), Yoda had a muffin. (Also, there was a bowl of preserves in case we felt the need.) Then, I had a mushroom, bacon, and swiss frittata with wheat toast, and Yoda had hazelnut french toast with bacon (his came just piled with wonderful crushed hazelnuts). We switched plates halfway through. Then we ate until we were sick. 10/10.

This honeymoon just may kill us. With food.

Vitale's

Tonight we went out to eat at Vitale's (which is the only realistically Italian place in town). We spent about $60 (with tip) for three people. Me and Teale got the Gnocchi Primavera and the Seafood Alfredo, and Yoda got the Chicken Fettucini (and a glass of Chianti). As the evening wore on, the dining experience began to seem like a little girl that tries on her mom's mink coat and pumps, and smears lipstick all over herself--she's really cute, but not ready to go out on the town. Vitale's is at first glance a very upscale place, but the closer you look the more you doubt this impression. For example, there are cloth tablecloths, but ours was extremely wrinkled. As for the rest--well, you'll see.

Coffee (me)
Gnocchi Primavera (me)
Seafood Alfredo (Teale)
Glass of Chianti (Yoda)
Chicken Fettucini (Yoda)
Clam Chowder (Teale & Yoda)
Side Salad (me)
Bread (all of us)

The Coffee

...Was pretty good. Strong, and the cream came in a cute little pitcher, but I had to ask for my first few refills (and when I asked for the first refill, she thought I wanted a whole second cup of coffee--as in a separate drink order--and ended up charging me for two coffees, which had to be taken off our bill). 7/10

The Gnocchi Primavera

Nice shape, nice texture, a bit flavorless, but the white wine sauce was good, and the chicken was good. Had to ask for Parmesan cheese to sprinkle on top. 7/10

Seafood Alfredo

When it originally came out it had lots of big, beautiful shrimp in it, but no scallops or oysters (per the menu description). So we had to ask for the rest of the seafood. While they were preparing that, we enjoyed a very rich sauce, good pasta, but not a spectacularly flavored dish. However, the portions were very generous, and once the scallops arrived they were AWESOME (jumbo and perfectly cooked--soft and flavorful). The oysters were apparently little bits in the sauce, not whole oysters, but what can you do. Could have been an 8/10, but including service, a 6/10.

The Chianti

Very good. Dry, spicy, complex. The one thing that they couldn't screw up. 9.5/10

Chicken Fettucini

Came without a knife. Kind of bland, but the flavors that were there were good. The Parmesan we requested rounded it out well (as it did all three entrees). 8/10

Clam Chowder

Thick and flavorful, redolent with potato (probably too much potato--really thick with potato). Excellent flavor. Oyster crackers a plus. 7/10

Side Salad

Ordinary. Came with an edible blue cheese dressing (not great, not bad). 5/10

Bread

Crusty, hot, wonderful. European and authentic. Thin loaves/sticks that were partially cut for ease of tearing. However. We had to ask for it. And there was a bottle of olive oil on the table (in a fancy bottle etched with the restaurant logo). And I tasted it. And it was not so good. So I asked Teale to taste it. And she almost gagged. It. Was. Rancid. Oil. So I asked for a new bottle. And the second bottle was...also rancid! After that, it was butter all the way, baby. Also, they didn't bring us more bread after we polished off the first basket. Bread: 10/10, Olive oil: -10/10

Stuff We Had to Ask For

Salad and soups (she never even ordered them till we asked)
Water
Bread
Olive oil
New side plate for olive oil (never received)
Coffee
More water
Knife
Seafood
Parmesan cheese
More water
Coffee
Fixing our bill
Our time back (it took forever for them to take our payment--we were hostages)

Other notes

Our waitress cried (about a problem with another table's order and an apparent disagreement with the cook). Apparently she was somewhat new (and it showed). It was too expensive for the quality of the food. For about $20 a person, your whole dining experience should rock. We could have gone out for sushi and probably spent less money and had SUSHI. But the scallops were really good. And we stole a bunch of hard candy mints to make up for the meal when we left. Unfortunately, when we got home we realized that they were all melted. And they were hard candy.

Final Rating

Food 7.5, Service 3/10, Ambiance 5/10 (no privacy, you can hear everyone's conversation, and then they started playing Sabre Dance). Total: 6/10

Cat Munch!

Inigo loves to eat. She is a good mascot for this project.

Mario's "Mexican Restaurant"

Tonight Yoda and I went out to dinner for the second time at Mario's "Mexican Restaurant" (quotes not added). For those of you who have not been, it is a small restaurant/bar in Oshkosh with a large margarita selection and a toxic buffet (I made the mistake of trying it the first time we went). But Yoda liked the Tutti Frutti Margarita (tasted like sweet tarts), and I was willing to give it a second try, so there we were. In total we ordered:

one Original Margarita on the rocks (for me)
one Nachos el Grande (to share)
one “Wet” Chicken Burrito Dinner (for me)
one Chicken Chimichanga (for Yoda)
one Flan (to share)

Our total was about $31 (not including the tip). In summary: our food was ok, but not awesome, and not authentic. It was as if the attitude of the restaurant was, “well, if your dining experience or food is good, that's great, but we're not going to go out of our way to make it happen.” Yoda's analysis: “we don't care, and it shows.” So let's start at the beginning.

The Margarita

When first perusing the menu, I was struck by several unusual drink choices. My curiosity aroused, I asked the waitress what the El Presidente, Ultimate, Hot Tamale, and Caribbean margaritas were. Her reply was, “I don't know.” After a short, pregnant pause in which it became apparent that she wasn't going to offer to find out, I ordered an original (I like my margaritas strong, not syrupy, over ice, and with salt). Upon tasting it, I realized that it was way too sweet, but otherwise ok. I am of the opinion that if you want a fruity, sugary drink, order a fruit flavored margarita, but if you order an “original” you should be able to taste the tequila and the sweetness should enhance that flavor, not drown it out. But, it did come with salt (which was a relief to my tastebuds). Overall: 5/10

The Nachos el Grande

A generous plate of fresh corn chips covered with piles of ground beef, jalapeños, tomatoes, cheese sauce, and with a side of sour cream. Pretty good, but the jalapeños weren't that spicy. 5.5/10

The “Wet” Chicken Burrito

A largish burrito filled with shredded chicken, cheese, and refried beans, covered in salsa, accompanied by refried beans, rice, lettuce, tomato, and sour cream. Hearty, but not terribly remarkable. I'm a sucker for good beans, and these weren't that flavorful (and they were too thick). Also, the rice was bland and greasy. But the burrito itself was good. 5.5/10

The Chicken Chimichanga

A largish chimichanga filled with beans, chicken, cheese, onions, and lettuce. Not very flavorful, but not that bad. About $3 too expensive. 6/10

The Flan (aka Hobo Pudding)

An uneven, broken, ugly pile of curdled eggs flavored with cinnamon, covered with whipped cream. I have never had flan that was the consistency of this stuff—it was really firm, and the eggs had distinctively curdled (giving it an almost bread-pudding-like texture). The flavor was fine, but the whole point of flan is that it is silky smooth and delicate on your tongue. We ate it, but I decided that if I had a restaurant I wouldn't serve this as flan—it's just way too far off. Yoda suggested the name of Hobo Pudding, which seemed appropriate, and I added that it should be set on fire at the table for proper effect. Because if your dessert is flaming, it doesn't really matter what it is—you'll still feel excited to be eating it. As Flan: 2/10 As Hobo Pudding: 8/10

To summarize: if only the waitress had offered to find out what the El Presidente Margarita was. If only the jalapeños were more spicy. If only the flan was Hobo Pudding instead. I'll end it with this:

"If only, if only," the woodpecker sighs,
"The bark on the tree was as soft as the sky is."
While the wolf waits below, hungry and lonely,
He cries to the moo-oo-oon,
"If only, if only."

Overall Rating: 5.5/10

Next time: REAL Mexican food.